Lost At Sea
by Jillessa Heronstairs
Summary: "Maybe they were moving too fast, jumping into the deep end of the pool that had no depth, and they would only keep sinking until they rose again. But then, how far deep would they be already, and how much time would it take to get back to the surface?" Sequel to The Art Of Forgiveness, from Emily's point of view. Another OC story.


**So this is basically a sequel to my first story, The Art Of Forgiveness, and I recommend reading that one first, because this one won't make as might sense if you read it before the other. But sorry if the plot doesn't really fit into the other. Because some of the events got mixed up, but I did my best. The thing that I screwed up the most is the fourth cheating event, which I mixed up with the third, but I tried to fix that. But if you ignore it, you probably won't even notice.  
**

 **And this is Emily's side of the story... Sort of. I screwed up on that a lot... So don't hate me. :)**

 **Hate Khoi instead. But actually don't... Because he's a super hot Asian. :)**

 **This story, like the other, goes through the timeline of the five times Khoi cheated on her, but it's from her own point of view, but the themes are the same. Basically, how they were meant to not really be together, but they still were drawn to each other. So I'll quit talking now, because I'm probably ruining the story.**

 **So read on. Because I said so. And I'm plain awesome like that.  
**

* * *

 **Lost At Sea  
**

 _ **~There's Something About You, But I Can't Place It~**_

"A real date," Khoi clarified, taking Emily's hands in his and holding them lightly. "You know, with the flowers and the wine and the kiss at the end. What do you say?"

"Will it be Chinese food?" she asked, raising an eyebrow, for she knew that he knew it was her favorite. "Because otherwise, I would have to think about it."

"Of course it will be Chinese." He raised her hands and pressed a soft kiss to her knuckles. He knew it was a timeless gesture, and the effect he had hoped for was apparent immediately. "You know I would choose nothing else for our first date."

"I would hope so," she giggled, and pulled her hands away, rubbing the back of her shoulder as a nervous gesture. "What day and time are you planning?"

"I am at your disposal any time," he said in quite a flirty manner, giving her a shy smile. He knew what he could do, and he wasn't afraid to use his charms. That much was apparent. "When would be best for you?"

"Tomorrow night? Is that okay? I would say tonight, but I already planned a night out with my friends, downtown."

"That's perfectly fine with me," he laughed, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek, before walking away with his usual grace and stride. "I'll see you then."

He was perfect. Too perfect, to be honest.

* * *

So he was hot. And Asian. He liked Chinese food, like she did, and even volunteered to teach her how to cook, which was an offer she quickly took up. She admired the way he acted around her, and she could see that he saw her as someone at least a little special.

She considered herself completely under his charm, a fact that she relished. He would always be attentive, and saw nothing wrong with asking out a girl he had met only a week before. Even she was hesitant at accepting, until he brought Chinese food into the equation. Perhaps they were moving too fast. For the record, she had to admit that she barely knew anything about him, though she knew that she would find out in the future.

Maybe they were moving too fast, jumping into the deep end of the pool that had no depth, and they would only keep sinking until they rose again. But then, how far deep would they be already, and how much time would it take to get back to the surface?

She sighed, and pushed the thoughts from her mind. Overthinking never did any good. She could get to know him when they were dating, of course. There was no need to know everything about him before it was expected.

And come on. He was _really_ hot.

* * *

 ** _~Don't Take Me Before My Heart, Darling~_**

"And that's the story of how I grew up," Khoi laughed, expertly picking up his chopsticks, and popping a piece of orange chicken into his mouth. He smiled genuinely across the table at Emily, his eyes alight. "But don't worry. You would expect me to be some loner with no friends. That's really not me at all."

"I'm so sorry!" she gasped, his story unfathomable in her mind. Surely, she had had some disagreement with her parents. but it wasn't like she had grown up without them, like he had. "I never even knew that it would be allowed by the Clave!"

"They would try to convince me to leave, to travel or be adopted," he explained, setting his chopsticks down. "I never took the bait, though. I mean, I liked it by myself. I'd say it made me more independent. It wasn't a huge Institute."

"Still! You had to do all the cooking and cleaning and training by yourself?" she gasped, have grown up with those things taken care of, and many other Shadowhunters around her. She, in fact, had been more of the clubbing type.

"I did. But that was fine. I mean, we used to have a cook and a housekeeper, when my parents were away… But they left after a while, and in turn, it was just me."

"Has that experience affected who you are now?"

"I should hope not."

* * *

"Thank you for the wonderful night out," she said, once they had portaled back to the Institute from the restaurant, and they were now standing outside her bedroom door. "It was really fun."

"I'm glad." He reached forward, giving her a quick hug. "I had a great time as well. May I have the chance to someday go out with you again?"

"Of course. I would have no greater pleasure," she smiled, rolling her eyes slightly at the wording of their conversation. It sounded much too formal for their relationship.

"As would I."

When he leaned forward, catching her around the waist with one arm, she let out a soft gasp. Sure, she had been kissed before. Many times, at least, but never by a person she might actually care about, and it unnerved her. But he was Khoi, and he had taken her out to dinner so nicely.

And if it all worked out, she wouldn't mind dating supposed that he would make quite the catch of a boyfriend, with his looks and personality and humor. Everything she could ever want, right?

So she let him draw her slowly to him, his hand tangling in her hair, and his breath warm and sweet. It was the first kiss that had actually meant anything, and when he pulled away, she fell against the wall, completely in surprise and shock.

Was it so wrong to fall so fast?

* * *

 _ **~Forget The Lies, Forget The Past, I'm Not Worth It~  
**_

She didn't cry. She didn't hate him. In fact, she blamed herself.

Was she not enough for him, she often wondered. But of course, he would say she was, and his words would make so much sense that she forgave him instantly.

He made it sound reasonable that he had cheated on her. He cut off all ties, promising that it was in his past, and she, only she, as his future. He held her and kissed her and made her feel special, more so than anyone else had ever made her feel.

"I forgive you," she had said, and the relief that she saw in his eyes was evident. Maybe he would change. Maybe he had already. She would never know.

But what she for sure didn't know, was why he chose to go on behind her back, when she was right there. Call it her forgiving nature, but she saw the best of him. The sweetness he had when he took her on dates and complimented her.

She knew that he meant those. Other things, not so much.

But what is life, if it's not for living? Who cares if you get hurt, if you can get up every time with a determined face, and show the world that you're not to be taken down?

She would show them who he really was, because he wasn't who they thought him to be. He was a much better person, she sincerely believed.

The problem was that he didn't see the same of himself.

* * *

"I love your laugh," he said one day, as they were sitting on the sofa in the main room, her legs across his lap as the lounged around. "In fact, I love everything about you."

"Whoa," she replied, surprise flashing across her face, as she glanced up at him. "That's a little soon for everything, don't you think?"

His face soured, and he turned away, blinking rapidly, as if he had had a major realization, And perhaps, he had. "Sorry. I didn't mean it that way. It came out the wrong way."

Emily had wanted to believe many things he said in the short time she had known him, and she realized that lying was his ideal way of avoiding embarrassment. She hated it, but realized that it was the way he was built, so in turn, she accepted it.

"That's okay. I was just surprised," she admitted, though deep inside, she wished what he had said would have been true. "I mean, I've only known you for about three months. You don't know everything about me to be able to say that you love everything about me. What if it turns out I'm a guy? You don't know, because you haven't gotten into my pants yet," she teased. "But you'll still love me, because I'm that awesome."

If she hadn't been laughing so hard, she would have seen the slight look of hurt that flashed across his eyes.

* * *

 ** _~My Light, My Heart, My Life~_**

"Cut up the chicken into thin slices," he commanded, going behind her and placing his hand over the one of hers holding the knife. It was quite like someone teaching his crush how to play golf, as he eased the knife down to cut the ideal sliver of chicken. "There. Now you get how?"

"I don't know. You might need to show me a little more," she grinned, bumping him in the hip playfully. These were the times she loved best, where there was no reason for her to feel threatened by anyone of anything, and they were in their own world.

"Of course, love," he smirked, taking the knife from her and making quick to cut up the chicken for her. She, in turn, washed her hands off and stood waiting next to him. "Can you get me the garlic from the fridge?"

The Hong Kong Institute was nice, Emily thought, because it was fairly self sufficient, and the inhabitants were perfectly capable of taking care of themselves, without need from any mundane help.

"Here you go." She handed him the garlic, and he cut it up, then turned the pan to fry off the ingredients for their dish. "It's so hot in here. Can I open the window?"

"Why? So my hotness can escape?" he said, trying the corny joke out. When she didn't laugh, he added, "Of course. It really is too warm in here."

Khoi, Emily decided, didn't make much sense sometimes.

* * *

"It's delicious."

The chow mein was better than any she had ever had in restaurants, because Khoi knew how to make it with only the ingredients she loved. It was admirable, how he seemed to remember almost everything about her, and use his knowledge to his advantage at the randomest of times.

That was what made him a great guy, in her eyes, even if he did have his flaws. His personality was confusing, and since jumping into the great pool, she found herself sinking deeper and deeper, rising for only a split second, then falling again, drowning in her own thoughts. Still, she struggled to rise to the top, and break free from the pull of the force dragging her down.

"You okay?" he asked, his voice filled with concern. Sincere concern, it seemed like.

"I'm fine," she replied, giving him a forced smile. "Really. I'm just sort of lightheaded from it being so hot in here."

"You should go lie down," he said, and when she protested, he scooped her up in his arms carrying her to the sofa in the other room. "Stay here until you feel better, okay?"

It was too hard to argue with him.

* * *

 _ **~Fool Me Thrice, Shame On Me~**_

The second and third time he cheated on her blended together in Emily's mind, and both times she forgave him, though she did make him work relatively harder the third. When he showed up at her door with roses and a tux, she had half a mind to stab him with a seraph blade.

"I really don't think this is going to work," she sighed, though when he looped his arm with hers like they hadn't ever been in an argument, she shut up.

His apologies were always the same. He would tell her how she really was special, and how she was everything to him. The mistakes he made were always irrelevant by the time he let her reply.

He was a coward, too afraid to lose her and too stubborn to change, and she was naive and stupid, digging her own grave and letting herself sink deeper into the water. Still, there was almost truth when she said she cared for him. Cared about him, and couldn't stand to see him hurting.

"Give me a chance, he begged, turning to face her and tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. "I know I've made mistakes. I know that you probably hate me."

She didn't think that she ever could really hate him.

* * *

"You don't let me in," she told him at dinner, once again Chinese food, though she was really in no mood to eat, and the tension crackled between them. "I never know what you're thinking, or why you do what you do. It's like you keep me at arm's length so I can never understand."

"That's not true," he replied, crossing his hands in his lap. 'You know that."

"Then why do you do what you do?"

He fell silent. he never had a good answer, and he hated to tell her the truth. She couldn't know that he was only like this to prevent hurting himself. He had purely selfish reasons.

"You don't even seem to care," she continued, her voice firm but soft. "And you know that I'll always forgive you, so you keep on doing what you always do."

"I do care," he protested, "Emily. You can't even fathom what goes through my mind, the choices I've had to make. And I'm completely selfish. I do this because I know that otherwise, I'll lose a part of myself."

"... So you sleep with people."

"Not precisely."

"Then what do you do?"

"I make myself believe that I'm not catastrophically in love with you, so when you really do leave me, I'll still be able to live."

She knew that there was no point to not forgiving him, so she burst out laughing, much to his confusion.

* * *

 _ **~For The Love You Deserve, I Should Have Died~**_

Depression came easily. Even when their relationship was perfectly fine, there was always the sinking feeling that it wouldn't be okay for very much longer.

"Do you really have to take the pills?" Khoi asked, sitting at her desk, examining the bottle with a worried look. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm perfectly fine," she answered, With all the time she spent around him, lying began to come easily. "Don't worry about that. How are you?"

"I'm fine," he said, "But I would rather worry about you than discuss how I am."

" I wouldn't. End of discussion."

He let out a resigned sigh. Girls were confusing, but it wasn't his place to press for information. Instead, he went over to her, and wrapped his arm around her middle.

"You can tell me anything. You know that, right?"

"I know," she muttered, resting her head on his shoulder. His fingers played with the ends of her hair. "I just don't feel like it right now."

"I care about your well being," he complained, kissing her on the top of the head. "Can't you see that?"

"Why can't you care all the time?"

* * *

No one really understood why they stayed together. To the rest of the world, including many of Emily's friends, Khoi was the hot guy who had decided that he was so much better than her, and could do whatever he wanted. Really, the statement wasn't that false.

"Just end it with him. He's done it three times," they would tell her, and she would admit back, that three times was really too many.  
It didn't ever change anything she did, however, and instead of ending it, she would go back and try again, thinking that each time,something different might happen. It was a game of trial and error, figuring out what made him tick and what made him open up to her.

And as always, she was the loser. Then again, he never made her feel like it.

"Babe," he would say, "We're all good. Don't worry about it."

Either he knew that she deserved some slack, or he had his own motivations behind his words. Each realization made her fall farther and farther, until there was nothing left but the emptiness at the bottom, and she ached for air.

* * *

 _ **~Trust Me, For I Have Nothing Else To Lose~**_

"You haven't left me yet," Khoi explained, his posture tense. "Like every one has."

"I don't understand how this works in your mind," she sighed. "How does me not leaving give you a right to sleep around?"

Khoi, Emily had learned, had more problems going on inside his head than her cared to explain. In some ways, she might have even said that he had more than she. But there was something about him that made her want to help him, trust him even if he didn't deserve it.

"Alright," she gave in, touching him lightly on the shoulder. "If you think you deserve for me to forgive you a fourth time, and yes, I'm counting, I'll do it."

His lopsided grin was contagious, and when he leaned towards her, hand hand on the wall and the other around his waist, her breath caught in her throat. Why did someone so undeserving of her make her feel this way? Like he actually cared, and yet, he acted like he didn't so often.  
"Really? Awesome," he grinned, leaning over to kiss her, and to both his and her surprise, she let him. "I do really like you," he promised, cupping her cheek with one hand and holding her close to him. "You know that, right?"

For a second, she believed him.

* * *

You would think that after all they had been through, a normal month would have seemed an impossible feat, but for Emily and Khoi, nothing was really that impossible.

"Look at this," she laughed, leaning against his side. "A whole month with no cheating or disagreements. Isn't this amazing?"

"Yeah," he said, and she noted the uncertainty in his voice. However, she dismissed it as nothing. Why break what you have it's only slightly bent? "I really like it this way."

Perhaps, she thought, that the whole thing was over. That he really was over sleeping around when they were supposed to be exclusive.

She ran her hand through his hair, and he smiled down at her, simply two teenagers in love to the public eye. The would never know what it really was like, and she would rather have forgotten the entire past of their relationship, focusing only what she had now.

Yes, she liked it this way,

* * *

 _ **~Deny Me Your Heart, Deny Me The Right~**_

"You don't have to feel pressured into doing anything," Khoi said, her arms wrapped around her back as they stood against the familiar wall outside her bedroom door. "Trust me. I don't want you to do anything you don't want to."

She, though it had been a month and a half, wasn't sure to really trust him this time or not. He still, at times, seemed shady, hiding secrets and things he didn't want her to know.

"Khoi… " she started, feeling his hands tangle in the bottom hem of her shirt. "I don't know…"

"That's fine with me," he promised, removing his hand and instead placing it by the side of her neck. "Really."

"I don't want you to… You know…" she said, her voice filled with uncertainty. "I'm just worried that you'll be disappointed with me."

"I would never be," he replied. He kissed her again, deeper and harder, with more passion. She knew he knew her weaknesses. "Tell me if you want me to stop."

Suddenly, she was there, in the middle of the ocean, rising up inch by inch, closer to the surface but not quite there yet. His strong arms picked her up and she wrapped her legs around his waist, getting more into the make outage each second.

Did she trust him enough to do anything for him? Perhaps. Even sleep with him? did she? She would never know.

"Let's go inside," she suggested, opening the door as he set her down gently.

* * *

They never actually slept together. Sheer nervousness took the chance away, and there was still that flicker of worry inside her, realizing that he was the guy that had cheated on her four times, and didn't seem to have any qualms about doing it again.

"We should probably… Stop," she said, pushing away from him and hooking her bra back together. "I mean… This seems really fast… And I don't know if…"

"You think I'm still cheating on you?" he asked, cupping her hand in his own as he pulled her to him. "I promise, I'm not."

"I know," she said, and she was sure of it. For some reason, though she didn't know exactly what, she knew that he was telling the truth. Also, he was horrible at hiding his habits of being with other people.

"Look. I'm just not comfortable with it yet," she said, pulling her shirt over her head, and standing up. She took his hands and pulled him up as well. "I think I should sleep."

"You're right," he sighed. "I'm sorry. I did say I didn't want you to do anything you don't want to."

And with that, he left. Although this time, he left not because she wouldn't sleep with him. That matter nothing to him. What mattered was that leaving her was a coping mechanism of her having the chance to leave him.

But, she could never know that.

* * *

 ** _~I Shall Live Again, This Time With You~_**

"I can't believe you," Emily sobbed, pushing against Khoi when he tried to comfort her. The look on his face was pure regret and torture, though he brought all of it onto himself. "Get away from me!"

"It's not what you think," he said, dismissing her worst fears. "It was never because you wouldn't sleep with me."

"Then what was it?" she cried, wiping her eyes with the back of her shirt. "I actually believed you the last time!"

He took in a deep breath, pulling her to him, and she pulled away, turning around. She wrapped her arms around herself, and Khoi wrapped his arms around her from the back, restraining her from moving. "Emily. Hear me out."

Though she didn't want to, she stopped struggling, and allowed him to continue speaking.

"Look. I know I've been with other people," he sighed, nuzzling his face in the crook of her shoulder. "But you're the only one I care about. The only one that would matter to me if you were to leave. Can't you see that? I leave because if you leave me, I'll be more wrecked than when anyone else has left me."

And because she loved him, his words made sense, and she forgave him instantly. In fact, she knew so truly that he wasn't lying, that she gave herself over to him, believing that perhaps, this last time would be something different.

It was the last time she ever had to forgive him.

* * *

Everything was perfect. In all the time she had known him, he had never been real like he was after the fifth time. She loved it, and him, and everything seemed to be in the best order.

It was a change she didn't understand, and in all honesty, she was even more wary of him. He seemed so real, but after the past year had gone by, she was sure how long it would last

"We should travel," he smiled down at her, all confusion and tricks and manipulation stripped from his voice. "Anywhere you want to go. I want to show you the world."

"I don't know…" she said, even more nervous than before. His change was even more severe than anything she could have ever imagined. Still, he seemed too real to give up, and for the moment, she wanted to keep him for as long as she could. "I mean, I would love to.. It's just that…" She always trailed off, unsure when he would revert back to his old self, the self that was pure torture to be in love with. She had always fallen too hard.

But now, slowly, she was rising to the top, and once her head broke through the surface of the water, she had nowhere to go. There was only emptiness around her, reminding her that she could not stay afloat forever.

Eventually, everything sank.

* * *

 _ **~I Leave For You, I Leave For Me~**_

Three months went by, and it was still the same. Everything was almost perfect, and it scared Emily. Khoi was the perfect boyfriend, more than anyone could ever imagine.

The opportunity to move to New York was her dream, and she jumped at the chance.

"I'm moving to New York," she said, approaching Khoi one day, and watched as he stared in shock. "Next month."

"... I can't believe you… I…" he started to say, then cut himself off, and closed his eyes. "If you really want to, I suppose I can't stop you."

She saw the hurt in his eyes, but made no move to comfort him, for she knew how fast he could turn around and cheat on her again. Really, wasn't she saving herself from more heartbreak by moving?

"I'm sorry," she replied, placing a hand on his chest. "I wish you could come with me," she added, knowing fully well that he wouldn't be allowed to, as they were short of Shadowhunters.

"I understand," he said, his voice tight. He seemed to be hiding something that he wouldn't let her in on. "I'll miss you so much."

"I'll miss you too," she sighed, hugging him tight around the waist.

It honestly didn't take much to leave him, for she was too scared of her leaving him again.

She never thought that he would feel the same way.

* * *

"Goodbye, Emily," Khoi said, his face emotionless as he watched her pick up her bags. He drew the portal for her, and reached over to cup her cheek one last time. He didn't kiss her, but instead, dragged his thumb across her cheekbone.

"I'll see you again someday," he promised, letting go of her. "And I will never forget you."

And then he was gone, running away from her, without a single look back.

Stepping into the portal was a weight lifted off her chest, the air swirling around her.

For the first time since she arrived in Hong Kong, she didn't know what she wanted. The entire time, she had struggled to rise out of the seemingly endless ocean, but now that she had, she didn't know where to go, or what to do.

It was almost too easy to slip back under.

* * *

 **I don't think this version of the story turned out as well as I wanted. I wanted to stress how their relationship wasn't completely horrible, and that she really did care about him, and vice versa. That didn't turn out as I wanted. But still, I hope it made sense.**

 **But anyway, I'm so done with Khoi and Emily's relationship. Because exactly ten thousand words about them is enough. Well, less than ten thousand words about the, because of the authors notes at the beginning and end.  
**

 **And sorry for the weird formatting on this one. I used the same format as The Art Of Forgiveness, and the plot was different, as it was all in the present instead of the past and the present, so it's sort of weird.**

 **But anyway. :) I hope you enjoyed.**

 **~Jillessa Heronstairs~**


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